Because she was there

Endings are also beginnings. Endings, like the passing of loved ones, in our case, our most beloved Tita Beb, was a painful parting. Her presence, her smile, the comfort she gave us...we thought they would be with us forever. And then she passed, without warning, as if she was called for some higher work. Today marks the first year since then, and my sister Nenen and I would like to think that it marks the beginning of her life as our guardian angel. We still feel her, a kind of comfort when all else fails and things seem desperate, a warm confirmation of God hearing the despair and confusion in the deepest of our hearts in our prayers when we have nothing else to hold on. It's a sense where you just know, Tita's there. Since she passed, I have always felt her guiding me, as I go through the difficulties of my research, chasing after that one dream. She's saying, "It's OK Tata, you can do it." I miss her, how I wish i had spent time with her more and let her k...

 My birthday is in December (11th of the month), so to my liking, it is the best celebrated compared to that of my older sisters'. December means presents and Christmas bonuses, so somehow I have more resource to celebrate. I remember when I was in kindergarten, I got to celebrate my birthday in our classroom in school. I still have a picture of that in my memory, blowing my white cake of boiled icing, with green edging and pink icing flowers with tulle and ribbon. My sisters were looking on, and I am sure, wishing they had one too. I knew they were happy for me, but young as I was, I was too happy to mind. Looking back, it had a lot to do with the sources for my celebration. My sisters and brother and Tita too, when they had their birthdays and the sources were scant they would have custard cake (chiffon cake topped with leche flan from La Paz bakeshop in town) or if funds were high, cakes like mine in varying colours depending on availability and if we were allowed by the baker, ...

 At some point in Philippine summers (which is generally from the end of the school term in March until the beginning of June, where midway, at least in central Philippines, Panay island experiences a 'spring' where May flowers akin to lilac and fragrant flowering trees that resemble cherry blossoms in shades of white, yellow, pink and red bloom), there comes a time when our Tita Beb and the entire family runs short of cash. On the general, it is probably likely after the closing ceremonies in gradeschool where Tita was a second grade teacher since recognition ceremonies were my sister Amour and I have always ended up first in our class academically and thus (ahem...a point of pride here in our young lives) needed new clothes to receive our academic ribbons and medals we won in quiz bees through the school year. To be presentable in front of the whole school where honor students and their parents put their best foot forward is an annual occasion that many families in the town a...

Written on 12/12/ 2021/ Barotac Viejo, Iloilo, Philippines Note: The recollection below has been written by my sister, Atty. Retzel Amour C. Villaruz, whom we fondly call Nenen Amour. When I was pregnant with  Pipay*, I craved for Chippy** while watching all those shows on TV, especially the Bayani Juan segment on Eat Bulaga*. I asked my husband Wilmer to buy me some; but when he got home, he bought me Mr. Chips** instead. I was so disappointed because my taste buds were longing, craving for the snack. I told him I'll name our kid Chippy, so how could he have forgotten to bring me Chippy but bought me Mr. Chips instead. "Chippy" & Mr. Chips" crisps/snacks by Universal Robina Corp. (above & below) Tita Beb consoled me and said: "Baklan ta ka, karon ah." (I'll buy some for you in a bit.) When Tita Beb got home later on after her shopping trip, she brought me two big red bags of Chippys. Thing is, they turned out to not be as tasty as I craved them...

The town of Barotac Viejo is a coastal town along the Guimaras Strait in the North of Iloilo Province. Many of the villages that make up the town are fishing villages and when my sister Amour and I were little girls, I recall that the fishing grounds were plentiful what with the choice of seafood, especially fish like the snapper, slipmouth and tuna and crustaceans like lobster, crabs and shrimps as well as shellfish like oysters, clams and scallops and cephalopods like squids, octopus and cuttlefish. Eversince I can remember, at the end of every schoolday, either my Tita Bing or Lola Beb would go to the local open-air market, rushing to catch the fresh-food vendors before they close up shop for the day. Fish was generally cheaper than other meats (chicken, pork or beef) and can be bought fresh, dried (locally called tuyo) or smoked (locally called tinapa). All three types of fish sold have their merits and all three can be made into delicious viands (a type of dish that accompanies th...

Where it Begins  I am the eldest of 5, born of highly passionate parents often lost in their passions. Parents so indulged and involved in themselves, their feelings, their situations that often, their children played second, even third fiddle to their needs. Highly educated with much expectations upon him, our father's life plan was laid out before he met our mother, whose youth and beauty literally brought down to ashes anyone ever seeing those dreams and expectations of him come true. Their love was dramatic and in a sense, toxic; much of our childhood my siblings and I witnessed rows so violent and making-up so passionate that it seemed to us their love blinds them to responsibility - of sending their children to school, teaching them, clothing them, nurturing them and feeding them so that at the very least, they might live and have a future. Instead, on those terrible days when Juliet has upset Romeo or when Romeo has been deeply agitated by Juliet, one of us children would be...